we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
