I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
