Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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