do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
So much rum. So many feels.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
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