Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
farters have to be the big spoon...
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
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