he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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