North Korea, Best Korea!
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
