perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
