Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
