Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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