The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
