Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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