Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
