Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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