I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
