I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Randomize
