Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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