i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Randomize
