I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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