And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
