Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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