Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
