Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
our cab driver is having phone sex.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
