well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I just had sex on a roof
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
