I think scott just propositioned me for sex
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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