apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
