Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Randomize
