And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
