somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I need a beard to bite.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
