I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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