i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
