So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
How does one acquire holy water?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
