3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
