On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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