I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
