One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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