I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
