Me too!
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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