What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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