Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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