Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
