How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
