somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
