i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
