I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
