I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Still dying that you shit outside
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
