I CAN MOONWALK!
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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