On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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