Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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