I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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